ummmm what do i ask...i mean..so many questions, like...i am not supposed to be here..yest i am...i left all that i loved back home..and here all alone....have found few friends..real close and special...1 of the considers me as his younger bro..and considers me as his bro...and the other one...we r each others wingman....they really care for me..some times more than my friends back home...... NOW HERE COMES MY QUESTION- am i that damn selfish....or is it i have become more practical...or am i that stoned at 2:30 a.m.!!! lmao i guess i wont know....

well now 2nd qestion...
when i came to bangalore, i used call my friends everyday back home and chat for 1 whole hour... now that has gone down to 2 mins in 4 days....well sometimes i think i am selfish...but look at this way ...after coming to bangalore i used call them every day.. "I USED TO, NOT THEY"!!!...so i right.....Right??i mean....may be i am just stoned..or depressed....may depressed to that extent that everything is amusing..even misery!!! may be i am loosing it!!! ha ha...if it was the old SAM..he wud have said - When did i ever have it dude....now..???Sam says - Huh??yeah rite fuck u 2!!..not that i am more used to profanity now...i was better back then....just that i have become weirdly NUmb...strangely ignorant...and amazzingly ignorant...

haha i love myself...have grown a weird liking to Ice cream...Corner house and Mama Mia rocxx...u should seriously try bluberry fields at mammia...and apple pie with ice cream and cream and apple sauce... yummmmmmm
will upload the pics in few days promise!! :)

u know...honetly ..i am happy..staying alone has its own charm....and bitterness as well...but i am optimist.. (even though i have emo hair do...and a lip piercing..and a few tattoos....still me not emo..not emotional...kinda nutts to frank..)

ummm 1 more question..

pick a colour..Green--or psy blue!!....if u ask y...and painting my room...
and also doing spray paint on 1 wall....with a potrait Kurt Cobain...and also getting a fish tank ( dilip's idea)..thinking of it making it marine...(marine = salt water fish ->more colourful) and also getting those neon lights discs have (nikhil's idea) and also planing on putting some nice cushions (yanam's idea- girlie u say....haha!!..i say chicks will dig it :D)!!!
also ...food......
i never thought i can say this but sammy hates KFC :'( and McD :'(
TT__TT
never thought i would get bored of zinger burger!!

some times i speak with meow... (check my orkut album to kno hu she is)
i miss her..only girl hu is my best friend and nothing more..i care for her like i care for somraj(read somraj>own brother)
and yes i speak with tulika as well ....

ahhhhh tulika..!!

lets leave it to that!!

ummmm

yeah i have a bought a hookah as well!!! huurraaayyy!!!

now i can smoke weed in that with vodka base...

any waz....14th of august...no wait 15th...its 3 now...

ummm...am hungry...may be caz i smoked up...
but it was not that strong....
abhilash gave it...
he is like the new dwaipayan..
haha...8 months in banaglore and already replacing my old friends..
anywaz..
gtg now..

will write something more serious and less self centered next time..

pukka se !!!

need to smoke...

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

**poof**

turns

a question for the ear, that cannot hear

a truth be told, could u bear??

 a crying baby, the still cradle

the careless mother, the true fable

the sugar melts with the stir...

the memories starting to leave a shiver....

a stranger, walking behind,watching over

she seems so right,so clear

now i fall into the hole,and i can take no more

and i fall into the hole and i can take no more

the noise has gone so soft

the grunge has died with a passing thought

the river never seemed so worried

into a death he gets carried.

Seredepity

Without you my world is a lonely place,

in this festive crowd,i look for your face.

i can not describe the way i feel

wish this moment i could steal,

i have wondered through the lanes of life,

through the thin i have survived.

forever i have known what it meant

a precious moment to be spent

you say-seredipity was us meeting

i say-meant to be,as it was written

well,call it luck or co-incidence

i will keep it close as my last cent,

i will be gone in a day or two,

thinking of you my days will go through.

impatiently,will wait for you to arrive,

and count days,and will forever strive

will think of how it would be,with you by my side

atleast that will make the wait a joyous ride

may be you will come,may be you wont

will be heart broken if you dont

will not be angry,because then i will know

serendipity was just a one day show

all is written,and none can be changed

its the dreams we see,that we defend

i will miss you,but i will smile,

for the moments we spend for a while

will thank destiny for that fortunate accident

in which we met,the moment that went

i will cry,but i will know,

our serendipity,was a one day show.

questions

dont you wonder sometimes when we were small kids we had so many questions...so many of them..why is the sky blue?why is fire yellow?how come we have to eat vegetables...so on and so forth!!and what is more is amazing is that all our questions were patiently answered, by our folks!!
but when we grew no one would actually answer us!and we dont expect them to answer as well.because we belive we are old enough to look for our answers. I mean there is a thrill now to have a question and even more thrilling when we try to find the most accurate answers to them. What is life without questions??i mean life itself is a question, a question whose answer is so complicated and horrifying that either we are way to scared to find the answer or we are just not bothered, if you mostly choose the later then your life is useless, but if you are scared-then its just normal.Human beings have this tendency to be afraid of the unknown.the journey of life is conquering our fears right???WRONG!! WE NEVER DO THAT PURPOSELY! we are just forced to do so!! say for example "i am afraid of eating rats!!"....NOW I WOULD NEVER DO THAT IN MY SENSES!! but say i am loast in a dessert and i have no other option but to eat a rat to live...and if given that choice,belive me my friend even a vegetarian would eat the rat leave alone me!!

See thats how life is we are forced to do things we dont want to do, and when we through doing it we are actually glad it happened!!
Life is the best teacher right???may be...but i kno it has method of teaching!
may be that how its meant to be.we human beings are way to to stubborn to stop without getting hurt!but once we get hurt we seldom do the same mistake!!
like the say nobody is perfect..neither is life!!but life is beautiful in its own special way.
it hurts and heals, it cuts and gives aid!! amazing....but just think if life had to heal..then why would it hurt you in the first place??may be you would say to teach us pain,may be you are right.
but isnt there ant other methods??
may be thats a question we all are in the quest to find the answer!!

and that my friend is the irony of life!!

i rarely get time to sit by myself at my terrace...with my trusted cigarette..and few stars who are there giving something that can be remotely associated with what we can define as light, but i do remember those days when i had the time. The thing that i used to think about the most was life, no not the life that includes peace and humanity,i am way to selfish to think about that, although i am honest enough to admit it, i used to think about the life that revolves around me, my friends, my family (somehow i take my friends and family in the same level),my crude,silly,juvenile love.. ha ha now it all seems so stupid.Although at that point of time it didnt!! i think thats one of the biggest truth of life...no one lies..its the definition of truth that changes. I mean it would be wrong to say i didnt love my ex..or you didnt love you ex...but the question is do still have the same amt of love still now??and the answer would be NO,because if you did you two would still be together!! strange eh?? life is strangely similar to the early winter morning you try to sleep till the alarm clock rings but somehow you wake up 5 minutes before that fatefull sound and you think you should sleep for 5 more minutes but the moment you clse your eyes you get late, and when you do open your eyes you are late by 1 hour! so basically inorder to gain 5 mins you end up loosing 60 mins!!i am no genious but i think you just had the bad end of the bargain!!and after gettin late you blame the winter morning, but basically it is your fault only!!
if only you werent greedy enough to relish the last 5 minutes you wouldnt loose 60 mins!!

that is the problem with us human beings!! we are always way too greedy and we dont admit it.
if you dont belive me let me give you some examples
1)we want the perfect 16th birthday
2)we want the best bicycle
3)we want aperfect first kiss
4)we want a perfect love story, our other half would love us the most,and we will live hapilly ever after.
5)we want the perfect job wher we would aget a lump sum amount of money as salary.
6)we want the perfect marriage followed by a perfect honeymoon.
7)our kids would be the most obidient ones,and would alwas bring A+ grades
8)when we grow old our kids will take care of us!

if you want i can go on!! we all are so blind..and careless.. its the imperfection that makes everything beautiful!!i mean look at the moon without those marks it would be a white illuminous ball!want an example which closer to u?? look at dimples! they are nothing bad il-formed facial skin and muscle!! well i have seen girls with dimples..and they are really pretty!!
so what if u have a really bad 16th birthday...look at it this way..its unique in its own special way!!
so please suck up!!and enjoy what you have rather than mourne over what you dont!!

see life is a very complex puzzle with a very simple solution...and that is that more you run after happiness..the mroe it runs away from you!!and if you try to be happy with what you havethen happiness will follow wherever you go.

HAPPINESS IS JUST A THOUGHT AWAY

:)

second voice

yes sir u there,welcome to the wish fair
u seem so restless,for your soul,looking for a new attire??
a new soul,a new life,a begining??
for your same life,looking for a new meaning??
dont give up hope, look some more
you may find it in the pages you tore....

dont worry,this pain is just momentary
may be you are just a kid lost in the praires..
u need your guide,as the stars have betrayed,
you are looking for the one,your mind has forever potrayed.
you lost your soul to the stagnant pain..
a change is all that is needed to regain...

dont give up so soon,oh please i plead!!
some times a ray is all you need,
but you are asking for way too much
finding true love and such..
life is imperfect,and oh so beautifully it is so,
incompleteness is the drive that always makes us go.

listen to me as i speak of fortune,
i will be your guide,the star all alone..
will bring you back,in the prairies you are
will drain away all your dispair,
all i need is a part of your soul
a fair exchange,for all that you stole.

My last breath escaping from my eyes,
for all my life it got despised

not even for once i held it back,
only for compassion there was a lack

ninety-nine ways to kill myself
i choose the one where i needed your help

it was anything but a fairytale
my hatred is fresh,even though it is stale

i was nothing but a mere mask
changing faces was my everyday task

a puff of cigarette and a sip of whiskey
flips over my reality

the terrace at night seems so gloomy
while lying down i recall this tune ever so melancholy

i remember it at the back of my head
we used to sing it hand in hand,

i miss you and i wont lie
dont you wonder how time flies

started as friends, followed by lovers
now we barely remember each other

i put out the smoke to ease the pain
but the burning sensation remains the same

i take the last gulp and drink it all up
and give out a bloody cough

i walk towards the edge
and remember a sage

he told me once-you cannot buy what isnt for sale
try,only if you want to

i tried to buy happiness for myself
i was selfish,even a kid could tell

but now i cant take it anymore
my eyes have gone so sore,

this is my chance i know it is,
to end my life filled with disease..

so i jump of the ledge
finally i have escaped from your cage

i feel less guilty
feels like i am high on ecstasy..

this is my life for me to take
don't judge me for heaves sake

i was wrong and you were right
so i will disappear from your sight

i hit the ground and feel the pain
i guess i wasn't insane

i tasted my blood dripping from my lips
at last i have crossed a mountain so steep,

my eyes are closing and i am forgetting all the pain
now i know my life wasn't in vane

i see a light and get puled by a thread
alas i let go of ,MY LAST BREATH